Getting us back on topic, this is courtesy of Sherry:

INTERESTING NEW CUSTODY CASE IN ARKANSAS


9/12/2005 - Fayetteville, Arkansas. A seven-year-old boy was
at the center of a
courtroom drama today when he challenged a court ruling over
who should have
custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his
parents and the
judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child
custody law
and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the
degree
possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that
his aunt beat him
more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with
her. When the judge
then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried
out that they
also beat him. After considering the remainder of the
immediate family and
learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life
among them, the
judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to
propose who should have
custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references
and confer with
child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary shared
custody to the
Baltimore Orioles and Ravens, whom the boy firmly believes
are not capable of
beating anyone.

__________________

Dammmmmmmmn!! (I can say that here now, right?), and I was bitching about paying $ 1,400 taxes a year for 43 acres out here. - Of course, admitedly, I don't pay taxes on the forest land & trees, just the house, but $ 8,000 sure seems a wee bit excessive to me.

Heaven forbid any blue colar folks buying or owning land out there, hey.

Though I can afford it, I'm still not into busting my arse for some Social Welfare Political hierarchy, just so they can end up with as much as, or more then I have, without the toil.

Ok: Now I, Hahaha, now I get it.

Good one Kev. - You had me going there for a few, and I was really thinking this was real.


It's Probably just a simple case of 2 much logic and not enough fire, so I guess my oil pan's a little low, I'm a little slow, or I'm finally beginning to tire.

In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase and wear his first kilt. A couple of weeks before his important birthday, a young lad went to a tailor shop and found the material he wanted for his first kilt.

He took the material to the tailor and said, "I'd like ye to make me a kilt with this material here and, if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings!"

So the tailor took the material and promised to call the young lad when the order was completed. A few days later the tailor called the lad back to the shop.

"Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching underwear, and here's five yards of the material left over. Ye might want to take it home and keep it in case you want anything else made of it."

So the lad rushed home with his order, threw the material in his room, and donned his kilt. In his excitement, he decided to run to his girlfriend's house to show off his new purchase. Unfortunately, in his excitement, he forgot to don his underwear.

When his girlfriend answered the door, he pointed to his kilt and said, "Well, what'd ye think?"

"Ah, but dat's a fine looking kilt," she exclaimed.

"Aye, and if ye like it, ye'll really like what's underneath," he stated as he lifted his kilt to show her.

"Oh, but dat's a dandy," his girlfriend shouted admiringly.

Still not realizing that he didn't have his underwear on he exclaimed quite proudly, "Aye, and if ye like it, I've got five more yards of it at home!"

As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?" The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the otherside of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.

When he questioned her as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband! Please, go away and leave me alone."

A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that now familiar buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. She cautiously entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV with the vibrator next to him buzzing like crazy. The wife shrieked, "What the hell are you doing?"

The husband replied,"I'm watching the ball game with my son-in-law".

A blonde was trying to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.

The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I can only sell the car."

"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will 'fix it'. Then you shouldn't have a problem anymore trying to sell your car."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.

About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"

There is a new virus. The code name is WORK.

If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail, or from anyone else, do not touch it under any circumstances. This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should happen to come in contact with this virus, take two friends and go straight to the nearest bar. Order drinks immediately and after three rounds, you will find that WORK has been completely deleted from your system.

Forward this virus warning immediately to at least five friends.

Should you realize you do not have five friends, this means you are already infected by this virus and WORK already controls your life. If this is the case, go to the bar and stay until you make at least five friends. Then retry.

I think I have five friends, but am not entirely positive, so I'm headed for the bar anyway . . . it never hurts to be safe.

A woman meets a gorgeous man in bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his apartment and she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.

There are hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially the very expensive ones on the top shelf, but she decides not to mention this to him and actually is quiet impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him....they kiss, and then they rip each others clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over and asks, "Well how was it?"


The guy says: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf"

LOVE the kilt joke

__________________

Yes Corrine is right. What's really funny is that when my mother finally came to NJ I was telling her "now be careful all the left turns ar from the right lane and you need to use the jug handle...etc." But of course her first trip out was to Franks nursery and I'l be damned you know it was the only left turn on that entire street. They actually had a left turning lane to go right into Franks! She wanted to kill me.
Gas: I don't even know how to pump gas anymore. When I go out of state I have to have someone do it for me...really, I wouldn't know the first thing to do.
Property Taxes: When I lived up north jersey (bergen County) our taxes were 7500 and that was 11+ years ago. House was big but property was narrow and long (don't remember exactly anymore). Got to be well over 10,000 now. The funny thing is that we have a house here at the beach and its only 3 houses off the ocean and taxes are only slightly over 4,000.
Car Insurance: I still pay around 1,100 a year. No blemishes, no tickets, nada!
Still don't know what i'm doing in this state!!! Must be the husband and kids that makes me stay...what do you think?

__________________
"These are a few of my favorite things"
...Elisa
defecting to St. Thomas/St. John Oct. 10-17, '09, St. Thomas/St. John 2/23-3/3, 2010

Wow, I need to move to the beach, too! That is great!

__________________

Really nice one, Pant.

__________________




The countdown's begun!
January 30th to February 27th!

Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates and are
comparing stories on how they died:
1st woman: "I froze to death..."
2nd woman: "How horrible!"
1st woman: "It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: "I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected
that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV."
1st woman: "So what happened?"
2nd woman: "I was so sure there was another woman there
somewhere that I started running all over the house looking...I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: "Too bad you didn't look in the freezer -- we'd
both still be alive."

__________________
help us help aruba's kittens and cats

http://www.arubakitten.org/






vote now!!!!

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/N...uba/index.html

...sherry, didn't see that one coming! Too funny.
ruba

__________________
Only happy people allowed!

Very funny, Sherry!

__________________

ok, i have to admit it. mafalda was the one who sent it to me.

__________________
help us help aruba's kittens and cats

http://www.arubakitten.org/






vote now!!!!

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/N...uba/index.html

A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your maw!"

__________________
help us help aruba's kittens and cats

http://www.arubakitten.org/






vote now!!!!

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/N...uba/index.html

Heheh... No doubt.

Guess that old Hindsight thing never leaves us, hey...

These are the laws of the natural universe


Bath Theorem:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.



Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.


Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.


Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


Theater Rule:
At any event the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last


Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.


Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.


Law of Location:
No matter where you go, there you are.


Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.


Brown's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.


Oliver's Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

__________________

Hollywood Bash!

Adam was hanging around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely.


So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"

Adam said "he didn't have anyone to talk to."

God said that "He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. "

He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you! She will bear your children, and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like that cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

And of course, the rest is history.....................

Good one Pant!!

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on he road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop
at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a
nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.

"But we didn't use them", the man complains.

"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the man again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies.

No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $50."

"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $300 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."

Jay Leno sometimes says something funny.

With hurricanes, tornadoes, flooding, fires, severe t-storms and earthquakes tearing up countries from one end to another, the quote of the month is:

"Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

Subject USRSF
>
>
> The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting
> unit called the U.S. REDNECK SPECIAL FORCES (USRSF).
>
> These Kentucky, West Virginia, Mississippi, Missouri, Arkansas, Alabama,
> Georgia, Texas, Tennessee and North & South Carolina boys will be dropped
> into Iraq and have been given only the following five facts about
> terrorists:
>
> 1. The season opened today.
> 2. There is no limit.
> 3. They taste just like chicken.
> 4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
> 5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.
>
> This mess in Iraq should be over IN A WEEK.

Hahaha. Good one, Murray.

However, me thinks you maybe a little too liberal in your assessment, Friend; throw a few - displaced by Katrina - 'Moonshiners' in there, and I give it 5 working days, tops.

I Just Don't Look Good,

& as a career soldier, I can asure you that its well worth the message.


A Cry 4 Peace!!

Pant... I can't get this one to load at all!!

__________________




The countdown's begun!
January 30th to February 27th!

if you are getting a blank 'tv screen' go to the bottom and click the play button. it doesn't start automatically.

__________________
help us help aruba's kittens and cats

http://www.arubakitten.org/






vote now!!!!

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/N...uba/index.html

Ok Lady, well there's always more then one way to skin a windows OS, so let's just try a good old fashioned basic html link, hey.

Click below & let me know if your sys is supportive of such a move.

http://www.cryforpeace.org/media_win.htm

Thanks sherry....

__________________




The countdown's begun!
January 30th to February 27th!