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  #151 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 07:49 AM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Quote:
Originally Posted by charlierat
The newly divorced man yells out angrilly, "Why, are you lawyer?"

The other man calmly replies, "No, I'm an ***hole."
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  #152 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 07:52 AM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Quote:
Originally Posted by donnie
This was great Corrine. Thanks for the Sunday afternoon laugh. Not to worry Kevin, at your age you are better suited to fatherhood! I was 44 when Taylor was born and I am having a great time with her. It is definitely an experience to have. Enjoy your alone time with Loren while you can!!!
I agree, thanks Donnie - I think men can be so immature when they're younger (Loren obviously agrees!), and much less prepared for the responsibility that comes with fatherhood. We are definitely enjoying our alone time, and know fully well that it'll change 180 degrees when/if Junior rolls along...
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  #153 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 08:13 AM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

ahhhh, and then comes alone time again. the kids are grown and some people foolishly suffer empty nest syndrome. murray and i suffered 'hot damn their gone' syndrome. i hate to admit this about a husband but it sure is nice to have just him at home again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kevin d
I agree, thanks Donnie - I think men can be so immature when they're younger (Loren obviously agrees!), and much less prepared for the responsibility that comes with fatherhood. We are definitely enjoying our alone time, and know fully well that it'll change 180 degrees when/if Junior rolls along...
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  #154 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 08:25 AM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Quote:
Originally Posted by sherry
murray and i suffered 'hot damn their gone' syndrome.
I've never heard of that, but can't wait to experience it
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  #155 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 08:28 AM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

only wise parents of adult children suffer it. (the ones that change the locks on the doors so the kids can't come home again.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by kevin d
I've never heard of that, but can't wait to experience it
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  #156 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 08:50 AM
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One Happy Island Re: lightening things up part 3

Hi,

I am just beginging to suffer. Our 19 year old son told us he was moving out at the end of the month, he got an apartment with a friend. My stomach has been in knots ever since. I want toddlers again. Just thinking about it, brings tears to my eyes.
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  #157 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 09:00 AM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

i am no longer suffering. i don't want toddlers. i don't even want them in the neighborhood. i really truly am enjoying the first chance in my life to be selfish. just remember janice, you gave 19 years to raising children, running errands, band practice, sports, ... now you can give time to renewing your relationship with your husband. spend time talking again about things other than kids. spend time shopping...yes shopping... and asking his opinion. don't buy a single thing on these shopping trips for your son. take a weekend away together and know you don't have to worry about where your son is and what he is doing to the house. it really is neat.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Janicempb
Hi,

I am just beginging to suffer. Our 19 year old son told us he was moving out at the end of the month, he got an apartment with a friend. My stomach has been in knots ever since. I want toddlers again. Just thinking about it, brings tears to my eyes.
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  #158 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 09:25 AM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Quote:
Originally Posted by sherry
i am no longer suffering. i don't want toddlers. i don't even want them in the neighborhood. i really truly am enjoying the first chance in my life to be selfish. just remember janice, you gave 19 years to raising children, running errands, band practice, sports, ... now you can give time to renewing your relationship with your husband. spend time talking again about things other than kids. spend time shopping...yes shopping... and asking his opinion. don't buy a single thing on these shopping trips for your son. take a weekend away together and know you don't have to worry about where your son is and what he is doing to the house. it really is neat.
I love this thread and I agree. Our younger daughter got married two years ago. She owns a beautiful home around the corner from us. She teaches full time.
Our older daughter also teaches. She is getting married in two weeks. She just sold her condo and bought a house in the town next to us. We spent the weekend moving her and getting her new home cleaned and put together.
Our (My) motto is ENCO: Empty nest, clothing optional.
Walt
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  #159 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 09:27 AM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

love the motto...was trying to keep it clean here so i didn't say what i was thinking, hahahahah

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dogwriter
I love this thread and I agree. Our younger daughter got married two years ago. She owns a beautiful home around the corner from us. She teaches full time.
Our older daughter also teaches. She is getting married in two weeks. She just sold her condo and bought a house in the town next to us. We spent the weekend moving her and getting her new home cleaned and put together.
Our (My) motto is ENCO: Empty nest, clothing optional.
Walt
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  #160 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 09:47 AM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Quote:
Originally Posted by sherry
love the motto...was trying to keep it clean here so i didn't say what i was thinking, hahahahah
With ENCO, boxers become the important fashion du jour. LOL. They can become "loungewear," pajamas and with the right shirt, work clothes, dress shorts and even underwear!
Walt
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  #161 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 10:58 AM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

I can relate - our nest has always been empty, so we're well versed in the art of dressing for comfort first. Weekends are made for boxers!

How has Elaine not jumped in here yet?
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  #162 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 11:00 AM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

her dsl is busted at work...dial up interferes with the fax machine...she is absolutely dying of boredom.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kevin d
I can relate - our nest has always been empty, so we're well versed in the art of dressing for comfort first. Weekends are made for boxers!

How has Elaine not jumped in here yet?
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  #163 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 11:02 AM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Quote:
Originally Posted by sherry
her dsl is busted at work...dial up interferes with the fax machine...she is absolutely dying of boredom.
That explains it - I'm sure she is dying!
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  #164 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 11:50 AM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Walt - your posts are just too funny!!!!
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  #165 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 12:01 PM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Elaine -make sure your boss gets your dsl fixed pronto. I would love to hear your comments on Walt's posts!!!!
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  #166 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 12:16 PM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Janicempb
Hi,

I am just beginging to suffer. Our 19 year old son told us he was moving out at the end of the month, he got an apartment with a friend. My stomach has been in knots ever since. I want toddlers again. Just thinking about it, brings tears to my eyes.

And my daughter leaves this month, Janice, for college. I was starting to feel really bad - until I read our fellow bbers posts!

Wow, you all are very happy aren't you? ENCO????
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  #167 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 01:30 PM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Oh My...I must be the minority here...I can't wait till the're all gone! I'm counting the years...got 5 left till the youngest graduates high school. I'm so tired of hearing "what's for dinner", "when's dinner" etc. They think I sit here at work and ponder our evenings meal...well I don't...I go on the Aruba BB's, Hee Hee! No really, I do do work! Maybe I'm crabby during the summer months because I get home to a house that looks like a bomb hit it...no one can wash a dish, straighen the livingroom or remove their cloths from the washer or dryer...not to mention the crap left in the backyard after a day of sunbathing (mind you we live 2 blocks from the Ocean, how do ya figure?)
Hey...that's felt good...thanks for letting me vent!!!
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  #168 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 01:33 PM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Corrine
And my daughter leaves this month, Janice, for college. I was starting to feel really bad - until I read our fellow bbers posts!

Wow, you all are very happy aren't you? ENCO????
Well Corrine, just grab a pair of boxers and go with the flow, so to speak. Enjoy ENCO until she returns home on breaks. Then, put your clothes back on and return to parenting.
Walt
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  #169 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 01:41 PM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Quote:
Originally Posted by elisabeth_nj
Oh My...I must be the minority here...I can't wait till the're all gone! I'm counting the years...got 5 left till the youngest graduates high school. I'm so tired of hearing "what's for dinner", "when's dinner" etc. They think I sit here at work and ponder our evenings meal...well I don't...I go on the Aruba BB's, Hee Hee! No really, I do do work! Maybe I'm crabby during the summer months because I get home to a house that looks like a bomb hit it...no one can wash a dish, straighen the livingroom or remove their cloths from the washer or dryer...not to mention the crap left in the backyard after a day of sunbathing (mind you we live 2 blocks from the Ocean, how do ya figure?)
Hey...that's felt good...thanks for letting me vent!!!
You are definitely an ENCO candidate.
Walt
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  #170 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 01:54 PM
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Cool Re: lightening things up part 3

Okay... so my DSL's still not fixed, and it's hit or miss when I get here. Combine that with Marnie and Thad moving and Mom helping, so I have little time at night as well. Ya think I'm a little hyper???????????????

ENCO.... sorry gang, no comment from me 'cause no one cares if I have clothes on or not at home.. it's just me!!!

BUT..... (of course there's a but) when Marnie went away to college and it was just Bob and I - no room was safe!! ENCONC... Empty Nest Clothes or No Clothes!! lol
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  #171 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 02:10 PM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dogwriter
Well Corrine, just grab a pair of boxers and go with the flow, so to speak. Enjoy ENCO until she returns home on breaks. Then, put your clothes back on and return to parenting.
Walt
I would say will do, Walt, except I live in NY, close to the city, where our homes are shall we say "snug". I could really scare the neighbors! I do walk around in my pjs though and even go outside to water my plants. My husband is mortified...........



Quote:
Originally Posted by elisabeth_nj
Oh My...I must be the minority here...I can't wait till the're all gone! I'm counting the years...got 5 left till the youngest graduates high school. I'm so tired of hearing "what's for dinner", "when's dinner" etc. They think I sit here at work and ponder our evenings meal...well I don't...I go on the Aruba BB's, Hee Hee! No really, I do do work! Maybe I'm crabby during the summer months because I get home to a house that looks like a bomb hit it...no one can wash a dish, straighen the livingroom or remove their cloths from the washer or dryer...not to mention the crap left in the backyard after a day of sunbathing (mind you we live 2 blocks from the Ocean, how do ya figure?)
Hey...that's felt good...thanks for letting me vent!!!
You have cracked me up! You are not alone! I have my HUSBAND asking what's for dinner by 11 a.m. while I'm at work. I also come home to a house that I have left neat in the morning, that looks like a bomb hit, though probably not as bad as yours with 5!
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  #172 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 03:42 PM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

[QUOTE=Corrine]I would say will do, Walt, except I live in NY, close to the city, where our homes are shall we say "snug". I could really scare the neighbors! I do walk around in my pjs though and even go outside to water my plants. My husband is mortified...........

.........and your neighbors are gratified!
Walt
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  #173 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 04:18 PM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

[QUOTE=Dogwriter]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Corrine
I would say will do, Walt, except I live in NY, close to the city, where our homes are shall we say "snug". I could really scare the neighbors! I do walk around in my pjs though and even go outside to water my plants. My husband is mortified...........

.........and your neighbors are gratified!
Walt
I'm sure they are, Walt! I definitely look cuter in the pjs these days!
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  #174 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 05:30 PM
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I Love Aruba Re: lightening things up part 3

Oh, you all make it seem so easy, but just because he isn't home living, doesn't mean I am not going to worry about him. Is it always easy or does it progressively get easier. He will be back I am sure. Nobody to do laundry at his apartment.


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  #175 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 1st, 2005, 07:38 PM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

It's ENCO and our house...have been without the kids for 3 years, I miss them but see them often enough. Two live in town and two out of town. I love the freedom of just taking off when ever we want. Also don't miss the "what's for dinner" statement. I sleep in now on the weekends instead of taking one of the kids to some sort of volleyball or softball tournament. Waiting for grandkids, but they won't cooperate. I can't imagine getting up and taking the kids to school now. I am so spoiled with my quiet times and just having the two of us at home. We even went swimming (sans the suits). What fun that was! Getting older is better. By the way...we have a secluded yard!
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  #176 (permalink)  
Old Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005, 12:25 PM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Janice, i understand your anguish....will he be O.K........how will he cope.....will he manage his money well.......will he starve (yea like a teenager isn't always starved). Our son too was going to move out...still at trade school, part time job....just bought a car.....NO coping or managing money skills....I didn't sleep, stomach in a knot....my heart crying. We were finally able to work out an understanding for him staying till he finishes his course, or is more financially secure(that will be like....NEVER). so, I understand. Our daughter is living in Montréal, doing well and I do not agonize over her....the situation is different. BUT, hubby and I do enjoy having the house more to ourselves, and if it wasn't for worrying how he would (not) cope, the idea was tantalising. once you see him settleing in and coping skills improving, you'll start to feel better about the whole thing. I know that it's hard sometimes letting go. If you need encouragement....let us know....we'll be glad to help!

Susanna
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  #177 (permalink)  
Old Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005, 06:57 PM
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I Love Aruba Re: lightening things up part 3

Susanna,

Thank you so much. We have tried to tell him to stay home a while longer, he just says "you don't want me to move out". Which of course is true to a point. He is an offshore fisherman, and home maybe 1 week a month, why waste over $1000.00 for 1 week to be in your own apartment. But you know, moms know nothing, and teenagers know everything. He also just bought a new car 4 months ago.

Thanks for listening
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  #178 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 15th, 2005, 04:30 AM
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Wink ' Have U Ever Wondered? '

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Old Monday, August 15th, 2005, 04:56 AM
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Smile Re: lightening things up part 3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Janicempb
Hi,

I am just beginging to suffer. Our 19 year old son told us he was moving out at the end of the month, he got an apartment with a friend. My stomach has been in knots ever since. I want toddlers again. Just thinking about it, brings tears to my eyes.
Hey Janice.

I realize I'm a little late jumping into the game here, but I've got a simple philosophy here, considering they're the future generation, and we're far from immortal, so if you really love him, then you'll set him free!!

Regardless of what will come of it, and no matter how much you'll wish & want, U can't keep him back from his destiny, or reality, at his age.

About the best that any good Parent can do at this point is Pray & Hope that we've managed to give him all the tools he needs 2 be the best that he can be.



Issss, OK, Today, Janice.
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  #180 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 15th, 2005, 05:02 AM
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Talking Earl & Bubba At it Again

Two red necks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down
the road drinking a couple of bottles of beer.
The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookie thar up ahead,
Earl, it's a dadgum police roadblock!! We're gonna get
busted fer drinkin' these here beers !


Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over
and finish drinkin' these beers, then peel off the
label and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the
bottles under the seat.


"What fer?", asked Bubba.



"Just let me do the talkin', OK?, said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties
out of sight & put the labels on each of their
foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the
sheriff said, "Howdy boys, ya'll been drinkin'?"


" No sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels...

"Me and Bubba's on the patch.
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  #181 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 15th, 2005, 05:14 AM
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I Love Aruba Formula Revealed!

I knew they would finally release the ingredients in Viagra!

3% Vitamin E
2% Aspirin
2% Ibuprofen
1% Vitamin C
5% Spray Starch
87% Fix-A-Flat






"And so, you believe that you may live in this world, when in fact the world lives in you."



Last edited by Pantherus; Monday, August 15th, 2005 at 05:42 AM.
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  #182 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 15th, 2005, 08:12 AM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

G A A! Very funny, both of them! Welcome back, Panth!
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  #183 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 15th, 2005, 08:55 AM
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Default Re: ' Have U Ever Wondered? '

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pantherus
Ahhhh....what a wonderful way to start a day....thanks Pant....good to see you back safely!
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  #184 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 15th, 2005, 10:38 AM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Here is a piece written by Andy Rooney

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all.

Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will not lay next to you in bed and ask, "What are you
thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around
whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually
something more interesting.

A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what
she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you
deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away withit.

A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women
friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 40 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a
woman over 40. They always know.

A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of
younger women or drag queens.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are
a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you
stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's
not reciprocated. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of
40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself
with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for
free." Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against
marriage.

Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get
a little sausage.
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Old Monday, August 15th, 2005, 01:34 PM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?"

To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check.
"There's no charge," he says.
"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says.

"Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he lookednice."


"So I just switched the heads."
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Old Monday, August 15th, 2005, 02:57 PM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Quote:
Originally Posted by ScubaDad49
A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.


The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?"

To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check.
"There's no charge," he says.
"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says.

"Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he lookednice."


"So I just switched the heads."

EWWWWWWWWWWWW...now that was an unexpected ending!!!!!
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  #187 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 15th, 2005, 03:08 PM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Quote:
Originally Posted by susanna
EWWWWWWWWWWWW...now that was an unexpected ending!!!!!
Sorry, I just pass them along.
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  #188 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 15th, 2005, 03:46 PM
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I Love Aruba Re: lightening things up part 3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Corrine
G A A! Very funny, both of them! Welcome back, Panth!
Hello Princess: good to be back, Thank You.
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  #189 (permalink)  
Old Monday, August 15th, 2005, 03:49 PM
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I Love Aruba Re: ' Have U Ever Wondered? '

Quote:
Originally Posted by susanna
Ahhhh....what a wonderful way to start a day....thanks Pant....good to see you back safely!
Hi susanna. It's good to be back amongst the civilized.

I think?
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  #190 (permalink)  
Old Tuesday, August 16th, 2005, 09:12 PM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."
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Old Tuesday, August 16th, 2005, 09:17 PM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ........ so does she.
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Old Wednesday, August 17th, 2005, 12:37 AM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

One Saturday morning I got up early. I put on my long johns. I dressed quietly. I got my lunch made, grabbed the dog and went to the garage to hook up the boat to the truck and down the driveway I went. Coming out of the garage rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50mph. Minutes later, I returned to the garage.

I came back into the house and turned the TV to the weather channel.
I find it's going to be bad weather all day long, so I put the boat back in the garage, quietly undressed and slipped back into bed.

There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that crap?"




later,
millertime
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Old Wednesday, August 17th, 2005, 12:42 AM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Sorry, I hate posting twice in a row but this one was too funny
to let slip.

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery
store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said,
"Hello!" Her face was beaming.

He gave her that "who are you look," and couldn't remember
ever having seen her before. Then, noticing his look, she figured she had
made a mistake and apologized. "Look," she said "I'm really sorry
but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my
children," and walked out of the store.

The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, what the h.e.ll
is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep
track of who fathers her children! " Then he got a little panicky."I don't
remember her," he thought but, MAYBE....during one of the wild parties he
had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father her ! child!

He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked,"Are you
the girl I met at a party in college and then we got really drunk and had wild
crazy s.e.x on the pool table in front of everyone?"

"No", she said with a horrified look on her face. "I'm your son's
second grade teacher!"

later,
millertime
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  #194 (permalink)  
Old Wednesday, August 17th, 2005, 08:16 AM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Quote:
Originally Posted by millertime
Sorry, I hate posting twice in a row but this one was too funny
to let slip.

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery
store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said,
"Hello!" Her face was beaming.

He gave her that "who are you look," and couldn't remember
ever having seen her before. Then, noticing his look, she figured she had
made a mistake and apologized. "Look," she said "I'm really sorry
but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my
children," and walked out of the store.

The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, what the h.e.ll
is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep
track of who fathers her children! " Then he got a little panicky."I don't
remember her," he thought but, MAYBE....during one of the wild parties he
had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father her ! child!

He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked,"Are you
the girl I met at a party in college and then we got really drunk and had wild
crazy s.e.x on the pool table in front of everyone?"

"No", she said with a horrified look on her face. "I'm your son's
second grade teacher!"

later,
millertime

G A A!!! Didn't see that one coming! Very good!
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Old Wednesday, August 17th, 2005, 12:28 PM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

That was great miller.
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  #196 (permalink)  
Old Wednesday, August 17th, 2005, 06:19 PM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

An ex-girlfriend just e-mailed this to me:

A lawyer pulls up in front of the courthouse in his Lexus. As he opens the door to get out, a truck zooms by too close and shears the driver's side door clean off. The lawyer screams out, "My car!"

The irate lawyer calls 911. When the police arrive, he goes into a rant about how his fine expensive car will never be the same.

After at least five minutes of ranting, the lawyer finally calms down a little. The cop says to him, "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are. All you care about is your car. Did you even notice that your left arm was severed in the accident?"

The lawyer screams out, "My Rolex!"
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Old Wednesday, August 17th, 2005, 06:48 PM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Quote:
Originally Posted by charlierat
An ex-girlfriend just e-mailed this to me:

A lawyer pulls up in front of the courthouse in his Lexus. As he opens the door to get out, a truck zooms by too close and shears the driver's side door clean off. The lawyer screams out, "My car!"

The irate lawyer calls 911. When the police arrive, he goes into a rant about how his fine expensive car will never be the same.

After at least five minutes of ranting, the lawyer finally calms down a little. The cop says to him, "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are. All you care about is your car. Did you even notice that your left arm was severed in the accident?"

The lawyer screams out, "My Rolex!"
VERY FUNNY!!!!!
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Old Friday, August 19th, 2005, 03:33 PM
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Cool Re: lightening things up part 3

Yes Dear...
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St Peter. "Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man. God said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him. God turned to the one man, “How did you manage to be the only one in this line?” The man replied, “I don't know. My wife told me to stand here. "


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Old Friday, August 19th, 2005, 04:54 PM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Yep. We just do what we're told. That's how we stay married.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elaine S
Yes Dear...
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St Peter. "Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man. God said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him. God turned to the one man, “How did you manage to be the only one in this line?” The man replied, “I don't know. My wife told me to stand here. "

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Old Friday, August 19th, 2005, 06:39 PM
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Default Re: lightening things up part 3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elaine S
Yes Dear...
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St Peter. "Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man. God said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him. God turned to the one man, “How did you manage to be the only one in this line?” The man replied, “I don't know. My wife told me to stand here. "
G A A!!!! That one is great! Real funny!
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