Interested in your honest opinion.

[charlescroes]

Dear BB friends. I am in the process of penning the draft on a story called THE SAILORS LETTER. The opening chapter has to create curiosity. You have all been there with your comments (good and not so) and I have appreciateed that immensely. I need your help. give me your honest input on this opening. I am only leaving this up for 7 days.

Thanks
be well
charles



A SAILORS LETTER


He was a nice man. Thin yet not frail, dark-skinned, and not suntanned - the essence of his face spoke of a man simple in his views but not stupid. I recall that he wore tan khaki working pants that bordered on baggy. His eyes were crystal clear and black as coal – not sinister – just black. The skin on his face and hands were beaten by salt. I never knew what his arms looked like since he always wore long sleeved khaki shirts or a long-shore-mans long sleeved t-shirt (the kind with three buttons at the neck.). He always said his work was on freighters. When he talked to us he would start with – “I work on big ships that roam the Caribbean with cargo that keep the islands alive”. This simple crew-man loved every moment of his existence on board these ships and never lost the opportunity to say so. He said to me once – “On land the world is big - I cannot know everyone or anything about them – but on board - I am with a family and we share everything”. Perhaps because I was little or maybe because I was there when he needed to talk, he shared a letter with me. It was a letter to his spouse. He asked me to give it to her two weeks after he passed away and not a moment earlier. He said that it would give the worms time to do their job. He also made me read it to make sure that I understood each part of it in the event she ever asked me questions about the content. I was twelve years old and after reading the letter there would be a part of my soul that would be aged beyond measure of time. For that, I never forgave him, for the trust – I was and am a better man.

I sat with him on a large wooden bench that was located in the area of what is now an abandoned hotel. Other men had fished from there - bits of nylon line and fish scales were everywhere. The spot was perfect, the winds of that day were balmy and the ocean lapped on the shore not far away. In any event, I started reading and asking questions and he answered them all – some I wish he hadn’t.

I read, the fifty seven pages (written on both sides by pencil) and realized for the first time that nothing is pure and that horror lies in us all. Not being the simple man he was, his letter and the contents have burdened me all these years and now in these last days, I asked for this opportunity to write about it. I am proof that they will grant a dying man anything within reason. In any event, this will go on a round shiny disc called DRIVE F: and it is up to whoever takes the time to read it - to do as they please with it. I will be cleansed and you need not wait 14 days to share. The letter went like this:

[Eagle-Beach Boy]

WOW!!!!!

It does make me want to read the letter. But it also makes me wonder...... do I want to read "that nothing is pure and that horror lies in us all" and "have part of my soul that would be aged beyond measure of time".

[droykelly]

I gave it a WOW, I'm definitely curious & I want to read the letter. However, I found the first two paragraphs boring & think you could easily start with the third.

That said, I can't write worth a damn and probably shouldn't criticize..............

[Kathy from Ohio]

Charles,
I thought it was great and it certainly has my curiosity up...I definitely want to read "the letter" and can't wait!!!
Kathy

[JohnJT]

I love stories.
The art of story-telling seems to be lost to many young people.
Maybe I'm totally wrong, but too many only seem to understand something like:
I M OK. HOW R U?

I can't respond because I don't have a phone that has a full keyboard.

[charlescroes]

John
Story telling can be like being able to write down tremendously interesting lies. I love doing it and am saddened to not be good at it.

Originally Posted by JohnJT

I love stories.
The art of story-telling seems to be lost to many young people.
Maybe I'm totally wrong, but too many only seem to understand something like:
I M OK. HOW R U?

I can't respond because I don't have a phone that has a full keyboard.

[charlescroes]

agreed = I took them out tnx

Originally Posted by droykelly

I gave it a WOW, I'm definitely curious & I want to read the letter. However, I found the first two paragraphs boring & think you could easily start with the third.

That said, I can't write worth a damn and probably shouldn't criticize..............

[charlescroes]

Amigo,
you are a reader of mine - thank you.

You know, the sad fact is that nothing is pure and that there are little (sometimes big) closets of horror in most our lives. A friend told me that we are survivors and I would suppose that to be that, we have to have confronted that darker side of things. In my case, my soul has been aged beyond what I wanted or expected however and on the other hand, it has made me a better father to a young 8 year old boy and I smile when dogs poop on the sidewalk because of the pure liberty they have to be able to do so. Without the horror, the wonderful things are not as obvious, at least for me - they might just seem like turds on the sidewalk.

bw
c

Originally Posted by Eagle-Beach Boy

WOW!!!!!

It does make me want to read the letter. But it also makes me wonder...... do I want to read "that nothing is pure and that horror lies in us all" and "have part of my soul that would be aged beyond measure of time".

[Eagle-Beach Boy]

I like the changes made. Can't wait for the "Letter".