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Charles' Stories Stories by Charles Croes, true Aruban :)

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Old Wednesday, December 1st, 2010, 10:22 AM
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charlescroes charlescroes is offline
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Default Noticed on fight to aruba


Unfortunately, I notice things.

Little ones. You know - our planet is made up of bunches of little things that make up bigger and bigger ones. Some folks get the "Whole-Picture" while others (like me) look at the little stuff. Both important in their one way.

Flights down to Aruba can be interesting indeed.
Sitting in Atlanta (A town that is historic, full of things of consequence and the biggest electronic bill-boards on the planet - Actually I feel relatively sure those signs are large enough to communicate with alien beings, who knows?) Moving along ... Sitting in this magnificent and very high end airport I notice that there are people that have made the conscious decision to purposely be out of place. Here in the deep south, Cradle of such magnificent men as Martin Luther King and Kit Bowes,(my high school buddy) - (No comparison intended) are people dressed in Bermuda Shorts that are way too long, sandals that are killing their feet and Freddy Yamana Shirts that are a symbol of what it's is like to live where I do?? Then there is the straw hat. The one with the small cloth band around it. All of this costuming is accentuated with the "LEGS". I love women’s legs. They look good no matter what but GUYS!!!! Cover those white hairy bean stalks with pants! I'm sure that Freddy Yamana sells something to cover that unsightly skin. PLEASE! Then come the Shells. I am not sure where these things are bought but everyone walks around wearing them. A braided lather thong with a white shell on it. A CARIBBEAN thing to do? Read closely my friends. Read Closely Made in China.


Prior to all of us ‘commoners ‘ having been alerted, they sneak in all the people they just overcharged to sit in the front of the aircraft. Yup - pay more and sit close to the nose of the plane. Pay me a couple of bucks and I'll email your entire family pictures of my nose. Let's move on.
As we walk in dragging the pull-behind "Travell bag" we then go about the business of destruction. Our little "pull-along" bags on wheels are over stuffed and expanded to bursting. Opportunity strikes!!! A gentle rocking of the wrist and the "Pull-Along" starts to damage both sides of the isle. And of course we give a lame "Ooops - Sorry", just excited about going to Aruba, Tee - hee. Can't hate me for that – can you??
Then there are the faces. I like the ones in First Class the best.
All with exception of the kids, have gone to First Class School and had to pass First Class 101. It goes like this:
  • As the "Econos" enter, do not look up until the critters are close.
  • Then move your head slowly upwards and smile, but , do not do it sincerely. Slowly take your Florida Orange Juice and Champagne and bring it to your lips. No gulping, SIP!
  • Then smile again and bring your head down to read again.
  • Look like this is the real deal. Do not let on that you are a chicken salesman that travels a gazillion miles a week and the airlines puts you there to not ruffle your feathers.
  • Do not let them know that you work for the airlines and that this is a comp because of your labor law agreements,
  • In the event, that you really have paid and that you really do have the money and are a kind hearted person, NEVER AND I REPEAT NEVER offer your seat to old ladies or disabled veterans.
  • With this simple act of kindness, you will destroy our FIST CLASS CULTURE which includes an elaborate points system.
  • There is no allowance for Kindness points.

Points go to the chicken salesman.

Then comes what I call the BIO BOMBs or BB's: This is when biological needs need to be met if not, your system will explode.
Trouble starts when a BB is sitting by the window. Especially when he is sitting there because he asked and you let him. Anyway. The BB will start to send Bio signals by playing with the window shade and the small Flip-down” table. He will do this to a point of annoyance where he hopes you will turn and just say – gottagotothetoilet? He hopes you will say it exactly like that. Fast, bunched into one foreign sounding word - gottagotothetoilet? If you do ask, he will sheepishly smile and nod.

If the window shade and tiny-table pounding does not work, then comes the strategy of staring at legs. Yup, these BB’s will start to look at the legs they have to maneuver and conquer so they can get to the accordion doors of the toilet that have the “OCCUPIED” or “VACANT” slot on the door. They will look at your legs until you finally gesture and ask – WHAT??! Great response follows: “Sorry have to Piddle ) or (“Sorry have to Poops”) This is said almost as if you are referring to a Toy poodle.
So much for bodily functions.

Ever sit in the last seat of the plane? The very last last last last seat in the back? Try it sometime. You will somehow become used to the smell of coffee, the yakking of the stewardesses as they prepare the food troughs. The slamming of the WC accordion doors will only reassure you that there is still life on board. You will fly restfully and at great peace with yourself, unless of course you are joined by someone from FIRST CLASS because their facilities are over loaded.

If this happens, pray it is the chicken salesman.

Unfortunately, I notice things.

Be well
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Old Tuesday, December 7th, 2010, 11:33 AM
Horseshoe Horseshoe is offline
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Default Re: Noticed on fight to aruba

Thanks, Charles, you, as always, hit the this a very funny way.\

Of course, many of us do not; nor have we; noticed all the various things you have pointed out.

As always...enjoyed!

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